The Hopeless Archer: How to not be a crybaby
The whole world has been asking me:
- How are you so productive?
- How are you so content?
- How do you have high aspirations yet stay grounded?
It's all over social media. News stations report about it. Jimmy Fallon keeps begging me for an interview.
But alas, I am writing this because I want to put you first.
Yes reader, you are special to me.
Enough jokes, #1 nobody asks me that. But if they did, this would be my answer from the top of the metaphorical Himalayas.
Should you strive for more or be okay with what you have? Do you have to choose between aspirations and contentment? How can you BOTH strive to be the best and not give a fuck if you don't succeed at it?
Hopeful Archer
The story of the hopeful archer is a model on how not to live.
âWhen an archer is shooting for nothing, he has all his skill. If he shoots for a brass buckle, he is already nervous. If he shoots for a prize of gold, he goes blind or sees two targetsâhe is out of his mind! His skill has not changed. But the prize divides him. He cares. He thinks more of winning than of shootingâand the need to win drains him of power.â â Zhuangzi, as rendered in The Way of Chuang Tzu by Thomas Merton
Before we dive into the story, it pays to lay down some definitions.
To aim is to target a goal. If you only aimed for the goal, you would invest 100% of your attention on execution. You would not be divided. You would just act.
I aim to brush my teeth, do the laundry or do some coding, but I don't hope for it. Similarly, you should aim to get that promotion and be productive, but don't hope for it.
Hope refers to a preferred reality. There is an emotional investment involved.
Hope relies on crybaby, wishlist logic. You become a reality beggar. It's crying until mommy gives you what you want.
If I aim for the goal, is there any need to hope for it? If I hope for a goal without aiming for it, then we're not really doing anything, are we?
When you hope for a goal, you divide your attention between execution and clenching your buttcheeks so hard that hopefully reality becomes kind to you and gives you what you want. You cannot control the outcome directly, and no amount of clenching aka hoping will help you with it.
The problem with the hopeful archer is that the hope to hit the target sabotages any effort to hit it.
Music and Sports
Imagine if I aim to produce a good song, I focus on execution. I experiment with different chords, melodies, hooks. I try whatever while following what I know about music theory plus my own tastes.
Now imagine, if the whole time, I was really emotionally invested, hoping that I produce a good song. What good would that do? Would my emotional stress help with chord progression? Would my fear of failure help with writing better hooks?
There lies the problem, all the emotional stress you induce does NOTHING, zilch to your execution.
A common example would be choking (losing a large lead) in sports. The winning team would normally win given the lead they've built up. But since there is so much hope to maintain the lead, that it would be embarrassing if they lost, their execution is degraded.
The winning team chokes because they start playing 'not to lose.' They stop aiming at the basket and start hoping for the buzzer.
The losing team has nothing to lose, they are fearless. There is no hope. Only execution.
Hopeless Archer
Ideally, you become a hopeless archer.
When you shoot for nothing, you have all your skill. When you shoot to save humanity, you STILL have all your skill.
You don't hope to hit the target. You just aim to do your best, observe the result, and adjust accordingly.
Aim for success. Don't hope for success.
Be a hopeless archer.